The Fight

Sometimes when I’m changing Caleb’s diaper, he wants none of it. He flips and flops and does everything he can to keep me from getting the job done. If we’re on the floor, sometimes he’ll wiggle away and take off running down the hall with an adorable little naked booty, giggling the whole way. Getting that kid dressed can be a fight. In the process of getting Gage dressed, the biggest fight is putting on his AFOs. There are times when I’m doing all I can to bend his knees and position his ankles correctly, all while wrestling with velcro and buckles. It’s a fight that happens fairly often. Sometimes the AFOs win. At least for a moment. I’ll throw them down in frustration and walk away. But inevitably come back and get the job done after I’ve had a second to breathe. I eventually get the job done with Caleb too and he isn’t running around naked all the time, although that is definitely his preference.

These “fights” to get my kids dressed have me thinking of other times when I gear myself up to be a fighter….on phone calls about incorrect hospital bills, requesting increased therapy time on Gage’s IEP, or trying to get his insurance coverage extended to continue the care he needs. What God’s been teaching me lately is that “going to battle” on these issues isn’t always the right way of dealing with them. I don’t want to feel angry, frustrated and offended all the time, or feel like that’s necessary to get things done for my kid.

What I’m learning is that other people or institutions are not the enemy. Our family has been blessed by the fact that everyone involved in Gage’s direct care has his best interest at heart. Of course that’s true of the amazing individuals who choose to have careers in caring, like teachers, therapists and doctors. When they have a chance to work with Gage and get to know him, he wins them over in no time with his charm. I’m so grateful for that. If only Gage could spend some time with the hospital and insurance customer service reps–then maybe they would fall in love and want to fight for him as much as I do.

Things tend to go the most smoothly when I remember to maintain a spirit of collaboration instead of taking on a “me versus them” attitude. We recently worked with the team at Gage’s school to increase his therapy time, which will start after Thanksgiving break. I went into that meeting thinking I would have to argue or really push for increased minutes, but was delighted by the fact that everyone seemed to be on the same page. It wasn’t a fight at all. Just a conversation about an awesome kid and what will help him the most. 

I’m trying to keep the faith that things will work out for Gage. I’m willing to fight to get him what he needs, but also need to remember that I’m not in control and that I can trust in my God who is. That doesn’t mean things will always be easy for us or we won’t face struggles. But perhaps it does mean that I can find a way to face those struggles without feeling angry all the time. Maybe, by the grace of God, I can replace feelings of hurt and frustration with gentleness, kindness and love.

“But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander,and filthy language from your lips.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” – Colossians 3:8 and 3:12