July 2017 – Wingin' It

July 26, 2017July 25, 2017

Imperfectly Beautiful – My Role As An Aunt

I’m so excited to have our very first guest post from my dear sister Sarah. She has always been a wonderful sister and friend and she’s also a pretty amazing aunt.

Twelve years. That’s how long I had waited to become an aunt. I had my oldest son when I was in college and my sisters were in high school. As you can imagine, they were pretty cool aunts for a little boy to have (still loving to act like kids themselves). Six years later we had a daughter. Another almost two years later and another daughter. And again just shy of two more years, another son. And my sisters continued to be awesome, fun, wonderful aunts. It seemed like a pretty sweet role. But here I was with four kids and still no nieces or nephews.

Then my sister, Lee, gave me the great news. I was finally going to be an aunt! A niece would arrive and she was/is pretty incredible (probably one of the most clever and entertaining kids I’ve met). Surely there was some spoiling to pay back.

To make things even better, a few months later my sister, Hannah, announced she too was having a baby. Aunt again! And this time a nephew! He snuck in quietly overnight so we headed that way on the morning of July 10 (bonus for me because now I got to see my sister on her 30th birthday!). I couldn’t wait (but would have to because I rode with my parents…and it was morning…which meant we could stop for breakfast). So we finally arrived at the hospital with full bellies and so much excitement to meet my first nephew, Gage Michael Wingo.

skin to skin

He was so tiny. Hannah was past her due date and had a pretty great pregnancy (as far as pregnancies go) so we were not expecting this tiny little guy. I think he was having a little trouble keeping his body temperature up so we didn’t get to pass him around as much as we would have liked, but he looked perfect and Hannah looked absolutely perfect being his mommy.

I can’t say I remember all the details of how things unfolded. Questions. Requests for prayer. Tests. More questions. More prayer. CMV diagnosis. More questions. I remember Hannah seeming a little scared but also so excited and in love with her little boy that it was as if she couldn’t see any differences or concerns. And who was I to question any of it?

The job I’d waited more than 12 years to have and now I felt completely inadequate for my title of “aunt.” I had four healthy kids and wasn’t sure what to do or say or ask about my sweet nephew’s special needs, nor my incredible sister’s joys and fears and reality. I felt unprepared and ill-equipped. How could I relate?

I told my friend (whose daughter, Eliana, was born with a rare genetic mutation the year before) how I was feeling. She gave me some great advice and perspective. And she reached out to Hannah to offer a kind of support and understanding I never could.

The thing is, when I stop worrying about not knowing what to say or do and just focus on loving and celebrating my amazing nephew and his mommy, it’s really not so complicated. Gage is such a blessing! Have you seen that smile? Those dreamy eyes? Heard that contagious laugh? How can you not be happy in his presence? I know I spend way too much time wrapped up in trivial things. Slowing down to just be with fantastic kids like Gage and Eliana–to appreciate how strong and wonderful these incredible little fighters are–is a perfect reminder of how imperfectly beautiful life truly is.

sisters

Bestgen family — Sarah with all her kids, from the left, Moses, Ellie, Norah, and Isaac. Her husband Danny is holding newborn Gage.

July 19, 2017March 5, 2018

Love Tinted Glasses

I’ve written before about not noticing Gage’s physical “flaws” when he was a tiny baby. I couldn’t see poor coloring, an abnormally small head, or anything else wrong with my little boy. All I saw was a perfect and precious gift. It’s like the love I had for my baby overpowered my perception. I like to call it “love tinted glasses.”

Don’t get me wrong, Gage was and is adorable. I mean, look at this face!!

Ice Cream Gage LTG

But it was easier for others to notice his differences than it was for me. Gosh, I wish I was more like that with everyone I encounter! That would be a much better alternative than being quick to notice physical shortcomings in others or myself. If we all saw people through a lens of love, the world would be a much better place.

I could make a feeble attempt at explaining how to see people more like that, or go on about how becoming a parent makes it much easier, or talk about how magical it is to watch a baby sleeping peacefully. But you know what they say – a picture is worth a thousand words. With their permission, I’d like to share some photos of parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, etc. looking at the special people in their lives with their love-tinted glasses on.

Gage and Gramps on the tractor LTG — Grandpa Keith gives Gage his first tractor ride.

Fletcher's Face Paint LTG — Sweet Audrey watches her big brother, Fletcher, get his face painted at his pirate and fairy themed birthday party.

Michelle and Eli Halloween LTG — Michelle (aka Mom) helps Eliana show off her amazing Halloween costume.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7: Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proudor rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

I’d love to add more photos to this post and keep it growing. If you have a picture that captures the unconditional love shared between people in your life, feel free to email it to hannahwingo@gmail.com.

Photos submitted by Jessie:

blue bird group — Teens from Fellowship of Christian Athletes interact with residents at the Blue Bird Orphanage, a home for special needs children and adults, on a missions trip in Nicaragua.

blue bird friends — Making new friends at the Blue Bird Orphanage in Nicaragua.

blue bird dancing — Nicas and Gringas dancing at the Blue Bird Orphanage.

Will gives his new friend a relaxing back massage.

Photos submitted by Lindsay:

boat ride — A momma looking at her sleepy boys with love after a full day of boating.

LJ and Erin — Another momma trying not to worry about being without makeup and looking through a “selfie” lens at her baby who is quickly outgrowing her lap.

Elise and Roxie — A girl who loves her dog.

Photos submitted by Cara:

Photo submitted by Lizette:

meeting papa — Millie meeting Papa for the first time.

July 12, 2017November 14, 2017

Enough – Focusing on Joy, Prayer, and Gratitude

Along with having Gage in First Steps, the early intervention program, comes regular evaluations of his progress. We meet with our service coordinator about every 6 months to access Gage’s outcomes and adjust goals as necessary. Our initial meeting to set his goals was exciting. I held my tiny newborn while our OT talked about him rolling over, sitting to hold a toy, and holding his head upright. I was excited to imagine all the things Gage would do. The first eval came and went and left me feeling sad because none of his original goals were things we could check off our list, we only added to them. By that point, I was less starry-eyed and the old and new goals seemed more daunting than exciting.

Working and interacting with Gage on a day-to-day basis wasn’t sad for me, I enjoyed him just as he was and adored exchanging smiles and giggles with him, or snuggling and soothing him if he was upset. But each time we had an evaluation that was focused on his goals, it was hard not to think about all the things he couldn’t do, rather than celebrating accomplishments. As time has passed and I know what to expect, those meetings have gotten easier. But in preparation for our most recent meeting, I was reviewing all our goals and reading all the ways we planned to work with Gage to help him accomplish them. It left me feeling so guilty for not doing enough. Not working with him enough outside of our therapy sessions. I try not to focus on feelings of guilt, because I don’t think it accomplishes anything and tends to be a downward spiral of negativity. But as I read through the list of Gage’s many goals, those feelings surfaced and gave me a sense of inadequacy.

The next day I was walking with a friend (one of my favorite summer rituals) and she was telling me about an “ah-ha” moment she had when coming across a certain bible verse – 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 which says “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” She quoted the verse to me and explained that she was always praying to know God’s will and after reading that verse, realized it is spelled out right there. As long as you remember to do these 3 things – be joyful, pray, and be thankful – you are doing enough. Although our conversation that morning was completely unrelated to my feelings of guilt and inadequacy from the day before, her words, especially “enough,” had tears welling up in my eyes. This is a close friend, so she’s probably used to seeing my spontaneously burst into tears by now, but I think it still caught her off guard since we were discussing something totally different. She wrapped me in a hug and asked, “Why are you crying???”

I explained how I had felt just the day before and how much her words touched my heart and were exactly what I needed to hear. We confided in each other how tough it is as moms to know if you’re doing enough. To be honest, there is always more we could do. Now more than ever we seem to be constantly reminded of that, whether it’s ideas from Pinterest, the trap of comparison or evaluating therapy goals. But what I learned that day and by studying that verse is that if I’m so worried about all the things I’m not doing enough of, I’ll lose sight of the three things I need to do most – be joyful, prayerful and grateful. I take comfort in knowing that’s God’s will for me.

Later that day, my friend and I met up again and she handed me a gift – her 1 Thes. 5:6-18 own bracelet with 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 engraved on it. I was reluctant to accept it at first, because I knew she recently got it for herself. Also, since my regular attire is now mostly sweat pants and t-shirts, I don’t wear jewelry much anymore. But she insisted, so I happily wear it any chance I get. It’s not only a reminder for me to stay joyful, pray and be thankful, it has sparked conversations and given me chance to encourage others as well. Next time you start to feel guilty or inadequate, please remember YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.

July 5, 2017June 7, 2017

My Kids are my BBQ

A few years ago, pre-kids, the hubby and I were lucky enough to go on a mission trip to Nicaragua. We spent a week building homes alongside the Nica people who would live in them and had the most wonderful experience getting to know the families in the village. Despite nica family my complete lack of construction know-how, it was an amazing and life-changing trip. It’s surprising the way God can use us, even when our own abilities are lacking.

During our time in Nicaragua, we stayed at a base camp of sorts and were bused to and from the village each day. On one of these bus rides, my husband Evan struck up a conversation with a fellow traveler who told him all about the BBQ competitions he competes in back in the states. Of course Evan was enthralled, asking a million questions and loving all the photos his new pal shared of the trailer he has decked out to make delicious smoked meats on the go. They discussed everything from how to inject juices into the meat to the best way to display it for the judges. I sat a few seats back, listening to their conversation and enjoying how animated the story-teller was. His thick Southern accent just added to his charm. Reflecting on it later, I told a friend about this man’s enthusiasm for his hobby and thinking out loud said, “I wish I was as passionate about anything in my life as this man is about BBQ!”

Fast forward a year or so, and I’m heading back to work after my maternity leave with Gage. I didn’t dread the initial return, or really consider doing it any differently at first. I just tried to keep my head above water as I jumped back in to a busy season at work. But it wasn’t long before I was crying most days on my drive to the office, or searching for ways to earn income from home while I pumped in seclusion behind a locked door. I had no idea how strongly I would desire to be a stay-at-home mom. I’ve always enjoyed my work and found value in it, and mean it when I say I had the BEST working environment one could hope for. I worked alongside wonderful, understanding people and mentors who trained, supported and cared about me. For a long time, supporting our family with just one income just didn’t seem like a viable option. However, after several months of deliberation and prayer, and the knowledge that we’d be welcoming baby number 2, we decided that it in fact was right for us.

Of course leaving such a great group of co-workers was bittersweet. At a former colleague’s graduation party a few months after my last day, I was talking to a friend from work and telling him how much I enjoyed being at home. I think my exact words were “Of course I miss everyone, but I love it every single day, even on the really hard days.” A bystander overheard our conversation and my friend introduced me and explained that we used to work together. After shaking hands, this gentleman asked me, “So what do you do now?” and with the biggest smile on my face I replied that I stay home with my two boys. Who knows what this person was thinking, but I imagine that as he listened to me describe my days, he could sense my enthusiasm for what I do. Perhaps he thought I left my former job for another career opportunity and was describing the challenges of a new job. Maybe he was surprised to discover my new title was “mom” rather than manager or director.

Thinking back on the exchange, a thought popped into my head…”my kids are my BBQ!” I’ve discovered the one thing I’m the most passionate about. Granted, they aren’t a hobby that I just enjoy on the weekends like traveling to competitions or perfecting fall-off-the-bone ribs, but I could talk about my two sweet boys for hours. I could tell you all about their smiles, giggles, adorable cries, sleep patterns (or lack thereof) and I’d be thrilled to whip out my phone and share our latest photo session. I truly feel blessed beyond measure that this is my reality now. May we all find our BBQ!