“You can do it. You can do it. You can do it. Keep going. Keep going. You’re almost done. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.” This is the inner dialogue running through my mind at the end of a long run these days. I’m training for a half marathon that’s coming up next weekend. I use the term “training” loosely because I’m really only running once a week, trying to build up to enough miles to ensure I’ll be able to finish 13 the day of the run. I’ve ran in a few races before—some 5Ks here and there and 2 half marathons over 5 years ago. I’ve never been super fast or competitive, just set out to finish and would usually come up with some arbitrary time as a goal. Back then, training wasn’t easy, but it was enjoyable. I’d use the couch to 5K app on my phone or for the halfs, train with a group, which was awesome! I met some really cool people – I think runners are nice people by default. Maybe the endorphins from exercise make them happy and therefore kind. I’d be up before the sun a couple times a week to run. Evan would say “who are you?” knowing I am NOT a morning person. But the accountability to people I was meeting was enough of a motivator. Getting to see the sun rise was a pretty sweet bonus too!
After having a couple kids I thought signing up for another half marathon would be a great way to get back into shape. Only it’s so much harder now! Simply finding the time to run a couple times a week is a challenge, never mind the physical toll. Last spring, I was signed up for a half marathon that I did not complete. My attempts at training fell pretty flat. There were mornings I’d plan to get up and run, and I’d be in tears before I ever left the house because of exhaustion from being up with a baby all night. My attitude usually turned around after a cup of coffee, but my heart just wasn’t in it.
While running, I’d try to focus on what motivates me. My mind immediately went to my kids. I’d think of all the physical challenges that Gage faces, realizing that if my brain tells my body to put one foot in front of the other, my legs and feet will listen. That’s not the case for Gage, so I never want to take it for granted. But that is hard for me to focus on that for motivation, because I tend to become overwhelmed with emotion and find it hard to breathe. Another running revelation I had was that in all the challenges he faces, Gage is mentally strong. He never gives up, even when I’m weak. Even though I didn’t have the physical transformation that I was hoping for after last spring’s training, I’m glad for the time spent with my thoughts. Ultimately, I opted to do the 5K at that event instead of the half marathon. This year, I thought I’d give it another try.
This time is different. Unlike races in the past, before kids, I’m not speed training or trying to beat a certain time. This time, I just want to finish. This time, it’s about putting one foot in front of the other. This time, it’s about mental strength. This time, my support system isn’t a training group of new people I’ve just met, but a group of life-long friends. Friends who say yes to signing up for a race I suggested, just because I asked. Friends who handwrite a customized training plan for me, starting with low enough mileage that I can actually get started before feeling defeated. Friends who drastically slow down their pace in order to help me train. Friends who mail me supplements to help me have more energy for the longer runs. Friends who sacrifice a chance at their personal record on a flat, easy course in Springfield in order to stick by my side and help me finish. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have these awesome women to run with.
And there’s another key difference about this run. It’s the Big Party Half Marathon event for Camp Barnabas, a Christian summer camp for kids with special needs. In the past, I’ve picked races based on where they fall on the calendar, and appreciate the fact that they benefit local charities. This time around, the cause was the reason for choosing this race. I can’t wait to see the campers participating in the stroll before the running events start. I’ve watched the videos online of kids arriving at camp, which will make your day! Hopefully cheering for the strollers offers a glimpse of what that’s like in person. Regardless of how the 13 miles following that end up, I think the smiling faces and determination of the campers will make participating in this event worthwhile.
Lately, there have been so many instances that leave me feeling warm and fuzzy about Gage’s interaction with other kids. At a friends’ house a few weeks ago, their little girl kept insisting “that boy” come play with her and the other kids. Another friends’ daughter recently found endless entertainment taking turns bopping a balloon with Gage, just meeting him right where he is and enjoying something with him that he’s able to do. Gage’s buddy Owen was recently caught talking on the phone with him by his mom. I get a kick out of 
the fact that, of all people, he was pretending to talk to Gage, who doesn’t have any spoken words. At school drop off and pick up, I love the way Gage’s classmates greet him by name or let him know “your mom is here!” And on a daily basis, my heart is warmed by the way his little brother Caleb shows him affection (when he’s not ripping off his glasses or accidentally stepping on his face.) The positive interactions Gage has with other kids are just another reminder of how many good things we have filling up our lives.