A few weeks ago, I was in my typical Tuesday afternoon spot – sitting in the Dynamic Strides Therapy waiting room while Gage took his weekly pony ride. Caleb and I were reading books when I looked up and saw Gage’s therapist waving me into the arena. Panicked, I jumped up and told Caleb to stay put. As I swung the door open, I heard Gage gagging and coughing and sprinted over to where he was sitting on his horse.
When I got there, I was greeted with a confused look from his therapist and (once his throat was cleared) a big laugh from Gage. Turns out, his therapist just wanted to brag on him and show me how great he was doing moving rings onto her arm. I had assumed the worst and thought he might be having a seizure or something. By the time I realized nothing was wrong, my emotions were already in overdrive and the tears came anyway. Gage just kept giggling at me. I laid my head on the horse’s shoulder to compose myself while the PT explained that the coughing as I came through the door was just unfortunate timing.
Relief swept over me and I told Gage how proud I was of how great he was doing, now laughing through my tears. When I returned to the waiting area I thanked the other moms in there for keeping an eye on Caleb and assured them that Gage was fine, explaining my misunderstanding. It was easy enough to make light of the situation since there was nothing wrong. But the fact that it happened, and that I reacted like I did, left me with a nagging feeling.
When I told others about what happened, I just laughed about it and poked fun at myself for overreacting. But I was still bothered by the fact that I’m conditioned to respond with panic. I don’t want to assume the worst, but if I’m being honest, more often than not, that’s exactly what I do. I will let my mind wander to the most negative scenarios. I want to be someone who expects good things. I want to have a sense of calm and peace that’s always an underlying presence. In reality, experience has taught me that sometimes my worst suspicions or fears are confirmed.
But not always! Just like that Tuesday afternoon, when my imagined emergency was really just my awesome son doing awesome things during therapy, leaving his PT so delighted and impressed she wanted me to witness it. So from now on, I will do my best to avoid the temptation to panic and instead stay focused on the good.