Author: Hannah

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Finding His Voice

Recently, we’ve been exploring options to help Gage to communicate better. We went through an Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) evaluation with a team at MSU of OT and Speech students. Last Friday, Gage was able to try a variety of devices using everything from his eye gaze to a head switch and reaching with his hand. I left the clinic with an overwhelming amount of information about different systems.

mustache gage
I mustache you a question…

What I didn’t, and knew I wouldn’t, leave with was a “magic bullet” or quick fix to help Gage overcome his challenges communicating his wants and needs. That was never my expectation. But the process was still a good experience and taught me a lot. I’ve been googling things like AAC and reading blog posts from other moms on this topic for a while now. But to have a whole team of students and professors dedicating time and focusing efforts specifically for my kid was extremely valuable. It also forced me to become a little more educated on the topic in the best way that I know how…asking other moms.

In my experience of the world of special needs, I’ve learned that, hands down, the best source of information is a parent who has been there. I’m so lucky to have others to reach out to and can’t thank them enough for the time they spend responding to emails, texts and Facebook messages. Whether it’s a relative I’ve known my whole life, a lake house neighbor I rarely see or a therapist who chose her career path after having her own child with special needs, this network of support is priceless to me. Before I was bold enough to ask for advice, another mom reached out to me, just to let me know it was ok to experience the pain I felt while simultaneously celebrating even the smallest accomplishments.

So, when I felt overwhelmed by all the information about AAC, I sought advice from another mom with more experience and WAY more knowledge than I have. She shared some excellent advice and insights, with an important reminder that communication isn’t just one thing. There are so many different forms and they all matter.

towhead gageGage has his own way of doing things. He will communicate in his own way too. I hope we’ll be able to help him find a way to express himself more effectively, but I fully expect that to take practice and patience. Luckily, the MSU Speech Clinic is willing to offer ongoing support to help us try out things and find a good fit. As we discussed coming on a regular basis for additional training, I told all the students and staff that I’m willing to do that, even if it means adding more appointments to our schedule each week. I’ll commit to dedicating time to work toward communication goals to help hold me accountable. My emotions caught me a little off guard as I told a room full of college kids that my main job is being Gage’s mom and loving him. Of course I’m willing to work with him on things outside of therapy time, but in all honesty, I fall short. I’m so appreciative of professionals who work so hard to help Gage and who help me as well.

I was excited for a plan of more time and support to help Gage find his voice, but I was honestly dreading the thought of even more appointments added to our calendar. Luckily the team at MSU understands the need for practicality and suggested piggybacking on the feeding therapy times we already have…hooray! Saving another trip in the car may not seem like a big deal, but it counts as a victory in my book. And it gets even better. Monday morning as I drove to pick Gage up from school, I was on the phone with a friend complaining about all the trips we make back and forth. It got me thinking how nice it would be to go straight from school to our next appointment, rather than rushing home to eat, only to load up and head out the door again. Then, that afternoon at feeding therapy, the instructor told me their class schedule had changed and we might be able to have therapy time, for both feeding and AAC, in one visit right after leaving school! It was like God answered a prayer I hadn’t even prayed yet!

Who knows what’s in store for Gage in the future when it comes to finding his voice. I’m excited for the potential with AAC and still trying to wrap my head around all the different offerings available. I’m also trying to manage my expectations realistically. But our experience so far has showed me what I’m reminded of over and over again through our journey…God is faithful.

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Thankful

With the Thanksgiving holiday this past week, the things I’m grateful for have been top of mind. I saw so many posts from friends saying what they’re thankful for, and I drafted my own in my head but never got around to sharing it. Today I want to take the chance to share some of the things that make me feel grateful every single day.

Laughter

I cannot resist the sound of my boys’ laughs. Gage and Caleb both have infectious giggles, and they are usually fairly easy to come by. Even if Caleb is mad and crying about something, a game of peek-a-boo or tickling his thighs caleb in shadescan almost always change his tears to laughter in no time. I am so grateful for the fact that Gage is able to express himself through laughter and smiles. While he may not use spoken words, I’m so glad that he’s able to express his happiness to those around him, and consequently brighten their days, and mine, at the same time.

Joy in the Simple Things

I love seeing the sheer joy that kids get out of the smallest things. Some of Gage’s absolute favorites are watching me fold laundry, putting a Gage yogurtnew trash bag in the trash can and taking a bath. He can’t contain his excitement about these seemingly mundane tasks. It’s a good reminder to me to find joy in all parts of our journey.

Perspective

Although our journey has not always been a walk in the park, I am grateful for the ways my perspective has changed throughout it. Challenges have a way of forcing us to step back and see things differently. I’d like to think that regardless of my circumstances, I would grow to be more understanding, open-minded and empathetic as time went on, but who knows if that would be the case. What I do know is that since becoming a special needs mom, I have a new way of thinking about and seeing things. I’m not sure if I would have found that perspective otherwise.

Friends and Family

This one is obvious. We are all so lucky that we have each other to lean on through this life and don’t have to do it alone. But I can’t help but think we hit the jackpot with our support system. I get to keep in touch with my best friends from childhood, rely on parents and extended family for help when we need it and stay connected with former colleagues and friends from college. All of these people and more help us so much and I’m so grateful for that.

Opportunities to Share

One of the things I’m most thankful for in the past year is the opportunities I’ve had to share more of our story. Opening up about the challenges we face and the accomplishments we celebrate has been so therapeutic for me. state meetingWhether it’s our story shared through 7 Billion Ones, a blog or Facebook post, or speaking at the First Steps State Council meeting, I’m so grateful for these chances to share. Not only because they help me understand myself a little better and work through things, but because it allows me to make connections. So, for anyone who follows our journey, posts a comment, sends an encouraging text or simply clicks a link and reads my random thoughts for the week, THANK YOU!

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.” – 1 Chronicles 16:34

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The Fight

Sometimes when I’m changing Caleb’s diaper, he wants none of it. He flips and flops and does everything he can to keep me from getting the job done. If we’re on the floor, sometimes he’ll wiggle away and take off running down the hall with an adorable little naked booty, giggling the whole way. Getting that kid dressed can be a fight. In the process of getting Gage dressed, the biggest fight is putting on his AFOs. There are times when I’m doing all I can to bend his knees and position his ankles correctly, all while wrestling with velcro and buckles. It’s a fight that happens fairly often. Sometimes the AFOs win. At least for a moment. I’ll throw them down in frustration and walk away. But inevitably come back and get the job done after I’ve had a second to breathe. I eventually get the job done with Caleb too and he isn’t running around naked all the time, although that is definitely his preference.

These “fights” to get my kids dressed have me thinking of other times when I gear myself up to be a fighter….on phone calls about incorrect hospital bills, requesting increased therapy time on Gage’s IEP, or trying to get his insurance coverage extended to continue the care he needs. What God’s been teaching me lately is that “going to battle” on these issues isn’t always the right way of dealing with them. I don’t want to feel angry, frustrated and offended all the time, or feel like that’s necessary to get things done for my kid.

What I’m learning is that other people or institutions are not the enemy. Our family has been blessed by the fact that everyone involved in Gage’s direct care has his best interest at heart. Of course that’s true of the amazing individuals who choose to have careers in caring, like teachers, therapists and doctors. When they have a chance to work with Gage and get to know him, he wins them over in no time with his charm. I’m so grateful for that. If only Gage could spend some time with the hospital and insurance customer service reps–then maybe they would fall in love and want to fight for him as much as I do.

Things tend to go the most smoothly when I remember to maintain a spirit of collaboration instead of taking on a “me versus them” attitude. We recently worked with the team at Gage’s school to increase his therapy time, which will start after Thanksgiving break. I went into that meeting thinking I would have to argue or really push for increased minutes, but was delighted by the fact that everyone seemed to be on the same page. It wasn’t a fight at all. Just a conversation about an awesome kid and what will help him the most. 

I’m trying to keep the faith that things will work out for Gage. I’m willing to fight to get him what he needs, but also need to remember that I’m not in control and that I can trust in my God who is. That doesn’t mean things will always be easy for us or we won’t face struggles. But perhaps it does mean that I can find a way to face those struggles without feeling angry all the time. Maybe, by the grace of God, I can replace feelings of hurt and frustration with gentleness, kindness and love.

“But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander,and filthy language from your lips.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” – Colossians 3:8 and 3:12

fruit of the spirit 

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Love is This…What Am I?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”  – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I’m sure you’re probably familiar with this verse. It’s often read at weddings–mine and Evan’s was no exception. While it’s a great model for the love in a mr. and mrs. wingomarriage, it’s about so much more than romantic love. As a young child, I remember my mom giving me the advice to replace the words “Love is” with “I am” and say that every day, always striving to make it ring true. I’ve had varying degrees of success with that over the years.

I think that becoming a parent teaches you to love in a whole new way, and lately I’ve been contemplating how our situation as special needs parents has made me more loving, and convicted by the ways it hasn’t. So, if I compare myself to the description of love in these verses, how do I measure up?

For the first couple things that love is, I think I’m doing ok. I’d argue that my role as a mom has made me more patient. I used to get in such a hurry to get anywhere, or get things done. My road rage would flare up at every red light and waiting in line at the grocery store could make my blood boil. Things are different these days.  grocery tripI think I have more patience because I know things are just going to take longer than they used to. Getting 2 kids out the door in the mornings takes long enough. With the extra steps required upon arrival, like unloading and assembling a wheelchair and loading said kids into it, I’ve come to terms with the fact that we just take longer to do most things. And I’m fine with that. I don’t know why I was ever in such a hurry anyway (aside from the fact that I’m ALWAYS running late).

While I’ve always tried to be kind, perhaps I do a better job now than I used to for the simple fact that I’ve gained a bit more empathy and perspective. Several years ago, I remember reading a handwritten Post-It stuck on my coworker’s computer monitor that said something to the effect of “If you treat everyone you meet like they’re fighting a battle, a huge majority of the time, you’d be right.” Those words really struck me, but until I struggled with my own challenges, I probably didn’t put them into practice as much as I should have. I still need constant reminders to put myself in other’s shoes and simply be kind.

As the verse goes on, I’m reminded of ways I struggle. Love does not envy. I wish I could say that is true of me as a parent, but if I’m being honest, it’s not. Not even close. As much as I try not to, I do envy. I’m jealous…of healthy, active kids…of freedom and flexibility to travel. It’s embarrassing to admit it, but it’s true. Not because I don’t want what we have, but because I don’t want my kids, or myself, to miss out. I know some of my feelings of jealousy are over silly, trivial things. But one of the things I struggle with most is being envious of parents who seemingly aren’t faced with the same tough choices we are.

Other parts of this verse that I struggle with are not being easily angered, or keeping records of wrongs. I tend to turn into a mama bear about certain things, especially when it comes to Gage. Sometimes when faced with challenges, I think we psych ourselves up to “fight for our kid” and take on the world. In an attempt to be an advocate, I’ve been guilty of becoming hardened, cynical and defensive at times. I’ll fall back on my mom’s advice and keep repeating “I am not easily angered. I keep no record of wrongs.” Maybe one day it will be true. Or truer? Maybe?

I think when the struggles come into play, I’ve got to remember that those feelings aren’t love, and identify what they are. If it’s not love, then where is my jealousy and anger rooted? I think the answer is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of making the wrong decision, fear of not doing enough, and fear of my kid dealing with his own struggles. With pain, hurt, injustice. I want to make it all better for him, and I can’t. And that breaks my heart.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Do I? God knows I’d do anything in my power to protect my boys. But when things aren’t in my power, do I trust the same God to be in control? To take care of things according to His will? Not always. Do I always hope? I’d like to, but fear and doubt often creep in. Do I always persevere? I haven’t stopped moving forward yet, and haven’t felt like giving up, but have definitely wanted a break from it all at times.

Scripture tells us that perfect love casts out fear. Obviously, I’m not perfect and I’m still dealing with my fears and other shortcomings. But luckily, love never fails, even when I do.

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Rest

Over the weekend I had the wonderful privilege of going on a girl’s getaway with my mom and sisters. It couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. We escaped to celebrate my mom’s recent retirement and her birthday. It’s so refreshing to spend time with women who just get you and know you better than most, especially when you’re celebrating such happy milestones.

restful weeknd

On the drive to start the weekend, I was contemplating rest and self-care. After a week with Evan out of town and 2 boys fighting colds and not sleeping much, I was really looking forward to a little break. I’m sure we’ve all heard how important self-care is, but it’s so hard to achieve the balance between doing all you need to do and still taking care of you without feeling bad about it. Just wanting a break from your own kids comes along with a certain degree of guilt.

It’s different than other breaks. If you’re burnt out at a job, you may be able to take a short vacation, or even extended time away. But it’s not the same with your kids. To a degree, you live and breathe being a parent. Right or wrong, you start to find your identity, at least part of it, in the things you do for your kids.

So as I headed to meet the girls, anxiously awaiting some R&R, I balanced my excitement with thoughts of how quickly the weekend would end and I’d be back to a routine of appointments, diaper changes and bedtime. I hesitate to even share those thoughts for fear that it comes off as whining. Believe me, I feel extremely lucky that my routine is what it is.

But instead of a weekend that flew by, I got to soak up moments of catching up with my family. We didn’t get in much of a hurry to do anything, but took our time enjoying simple pleasures and plenty of food! We even got a bonus hour because of daylight savings time! I think we were all a little sad to see the weekend end, but as I hurried back home with just a few minutes to spare before Gage’s next appointment, I couldn’t help feeling refreshed. There’s nothing better than walking in the door and seeing the boys faces light up with huge smiles.

The weekend away was a welcome break, and the refreshed feeling that carries over into returning home is even better. I won’t pretend to have things figured out when it comes to self-care, because it still seems pretty elusive to me. But I’m grateful for opportunities to get some rest now and then and I’ll keep taking advantage of them when I can.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

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Wonder – Life Lessons from Gage

Recently we visited the newly opened Wonders of Wildlife Museum. There’s been plenty of hype about it, and while my sister and her family were in town we decided it could be fun to go. From everything I’d heard, I knew it would be amazing and I wouldn’t be disappointed. But what I didn’t expect was how much Gage enjoyed it! He was mesmerized by everything there was to see. As much as I enjoyed marveling at each exhibit myself, what I really loved about our visit was watching Gage’s reactions. Just listen to that giggle!

It was a great reminder for me to not hinder Gage by my own expectations. Sometimes we get asked to join friends for activities, and my first thought is, “well, my kids won’t really get much out of that.” If I get into the habit of saying no because it takes a little more effort for my family or because Gage can’t participate in the same ways as everyone else, we might miss chances to see the joy he gets from simple things…the wonder that can be found in the ordinary. Wonders of Wildlife Another take away from that outing was how much more interesting things are when we say yes instead of no. Sure, there might be times we get somewhere and ask ourselves “what were we thinking???” while trying to maneuver a massive stroller or console screaming kids. But is that really so different than experiences of other “typical” families? By saying yes, at least we get to have experiences, good or bad. To me, that is so much better than the alternative—missing out altogether.

I’m forever grateful for the friends that keep inviting us places and including our family. And I’m thankful that in three short years, my sweet boy has taught me some of the most important life lessons I’ve ever learned. I know I’ll learn much more from him as the years go on, as long as I give him the opportunities to teach me.

“Oh Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name; For You have worked wonders, Plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness.” – Isaiah 25:1

 

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One of Those Days

It’s been one of those days. One of those really, really good days when I feel loved and personally cared for by my Creator. I was driving to pick up Gage from school earlier and I looked in the rearview mirror to see Caleb making adorable faces from the back seat. I felt overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude. Usually when we hear someone talking about “one of those days” it has a negative connotation, but today for me is exactly the opposite.

I keep encountering reminders from my Heavenly Father of just how awesome his love is for us, and not just for “us” but for me, on a personal level. I’ve teared up a couple times today, but in the best way. In the car earlier, the song on the radio was “Control” by Tenth Avenue North. Just the idea that God wants us had such an impact on me in that moment. I was contemplating how things tend to fall into place, for Gage and in other areas of our life, even though all we can see at first is the big, scary problems. A great reminder to trust in God’s control.

Later in the day, I came across this awesome video from fellow Springfieldian Jeff Houghton with a powerful reminder that we can all do something where we are. Our dreams don’t necessarily have to take us to a different place geographically, but, wow, do they have the potential to take us to a new place within ourselves. Dreams can seem like such a grand idea that sometimes I think we discredit the small ways our lives can change by the paths we choose, regardless of how “ordinary.” When I first watched the video it made me tear up (it’s really good, you guys) but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. I think what I really love about it is the sense of empowerment that you can make a difference right where you are.

Who knew I could say I’m living my dreams simply by being a mom to 2 amazing boys? That these adorable, stubborn, hard-working cuties could fulfill yogurt paintdesires I didn’t even know I had. And that our journey would give me the opportunity to share and connect with so many great people. A few days ago someone gave me some wonderful advice, telling me to expect good things. It really struck me, and he said he meant it and it was a lesson that took him a lot of years to learn. What a simple and lovely philosophy to adopt! I’m forever grateful for these little nuggets of encouragement and basking in the glow of another “one of those days.”

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Intense

Gage is finishing up his third and final week of intensive physical therapy. I can’t believe how quickly 3 weeks have flown by, and Gage has been surprising me every day with his progress.

A few months ago, I asked our pediatrician to make a referral for therapy.  As we transitioned out of First Steps and were no longer receiving weekly therapies in our home, I thought anything extra we could do for Gage would be good. At an initial evaluation, the therapists started talking about intensive therapy. I assumed that meant 2 or 3 times a week. When they explained that it’s 3-4 weeks for 3 hours a day, 5 days a week, I think my jaw may have dropped!

The idea was totally new to me, and I was worried about trying to do too much. I told them I didn’t know how Gage could do school, feeding therapy and that much extra PT on top of it all, especially since he still needs an afternoon nap. They explained it might work best to take some time off school so Gage could use his best hours in the mornings for the hard work he’d be doing. Ultimately, that’s what we decided to do. Before I knew it, Gage was getting a second round of Dysport injections and 3 weeks of intensive physical therapy were scheduled shortly after.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. With each new treatment, there are many unknowns, and I try to manage my expectations and not get my hopes up too high. Of course I want the best possible outcomes, but don’t want to be disappointed because of the measures of success I’ve built up in my head. So I tried to go into it with an open mind. I thought there wouldn’t be any harm in extra therapy, and I was fairly certain Gage would win over the PTs with his adorable personality, a hunch that proved to be right.

So for the last two and half weeks, each weekday morning the boys and I make our way to a pediatric therapy gym. I’m pretty sure Caleb thinks we’re there for his benefit. This place is like a kid’s dream, filled with toys, big mirrors and lots of open space. As soon as I set Caleb free from the captivity of his stroller, he takes off to find his favorite ball, flirt with the other therapists or try to make friends with other kids. Gage gets to start off with a good stretch or massage, all while watching his favorite You Tube videos! Caleb and I usually sneak away for part of the time so he can squeeze in a quick morning nap (he’s not quite ready to let that go, and I’m definitely not ready for him to) and Gage gets to work. While I’m away, I get picture updates via text and they never cease to amaze me because he looks SO BIG! Check out this stud!

arms straight
Look how straight those arms are!
bunge criss cross
Gage sitting criss cross applesauce with the help of a few bungee cords.
bungee stand
Bungees for the win!
bench sit
Bench sitting all by himself!

I was hopeful that Gage would make progress over the weeks, and he has! But what I wasn’t expecting was the benefits I would get out of giving this a try. Those benefits have come in the form of new relationships with the therapists who work with Gage. He is lucky enough to get the expertise of 2 different therapists working with him for different parts of the week, and I’ve been extremely lucky as well to get to know these incredible women.

Companionship from Gage’s therapists is not new to me, as I had the privilege of connecting with all his First Step therapists while they worked in our home and truly loved and appreciated each one of them (and miss them dearly). But I’m always amazed at the way God gives us just what we need when we need it. In just a few short days, I felt like I had known these women for much longer. One is a new mom with an incredible heart and a contagious love for Jesus. The other is a special needs mom with the insight and understanding that comes from experience, and a wonderful example of a true advocate for her kid.

As Gage has gone through a few weeks of intense therapy, I’m reminded how intense God’s love is for his children. He always provides, always, whether by encouragement through old friendships and new connections, or the medical help and therapy my kid needs. Gage’s therapists push him to do repetitive stretches and exercises, building strength and reinforcing muscle memory. Perhaps God is giving me the same cues over and over again – constant reminders of the truth – that He’s got this. He’s in control and He will take care of us. I’m not sure why it’s so hard for me to let that sink in and trust in Him, but I’m grateful for the constant reminders of His intense love.

“May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.” 2 Thessalonians 3:5

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Freedom and Perspective

From the outside looking in, you might see our family’s situation and first and foremost, notice our limitations. Sure, there are some things that slow us down a bit. We have extra equipment to lug around, need to give a little more thought to planning meals on the go, and don’t have the option to just hold the boys’ hands while we cross the street. To some degree, we’re limited on where we live since school districts are a crucial consideration or what insurance plan we choose because of an extensive list of doctors we’d like to keep.

gage and evan

Something that may not occur to you at first, but I hope you’d be able to see if you look a little closer, is the freedom that comes along with our reality. Extra challenges in life tend to have a way of putting things into perspective. A change in perspective has helped free me from worries that used to bog me down. Things that seemed important to me at one point in my life have turned into trivial details.

These days, I’m free from the obsession to be a certain size or weight. My fitness level and waistline have varied over the years, but what I value now has more to do with how I feel than how I look. I want to be healthy so I can take care of my family, and I’m not trying to dismiss the importance of working out and eating right. But the feelings of failure each time I exceed a certain number of calories or don’t get in as many workouts as I planned are virtually gone.

Having a spotless house or the latest and greatest material things also seem less important now. Anyone who knows me well could tell you that house cleaning has never been a huge priority for me. But when I feel like ignoring dirty dishes for a bit so I can focus on reading bedtime stories to my boys instead, I don’t struggle with guilt over it. Deciding to stay home and give up a big chunk of our income also came with some sacrifices in our spending habits, but it was 100% worth it. A break from work responsibilities was just the shift in perspective I needed to learn to better manage stress.

Even though parenting a child with a disability can come along with limitations and challenges, it also offers a certain amount of freedom. Freedom from things like materialism and pressure to live up to certain standards. Freedom achieved through a different perspective. Freedom that I’m very grateful to have.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

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Look for the Helpers

My heart is heavy today. Perhaps it’s a feeling that’s been building—on a personal level, there are some daunting choices about Gage’s care, but in a global respect, the ways people’s lives are being wrecked by natural disasters like hurricanes and earthquakes is simply heartbreaking. And now, with the tragedy in Las Vegas this week, the floodgates have opened. It seems I can’t listen to the radio or watch news coverage on TV without bursting into tears. A choked up DJ reminded listeners this morning that it’s important to feel those feelings and not suppress them, so I’m letting the tears (and sobs) flow.

I just caught a short segment on The Today Show that quoted Mr. Rogers. I’ve heard it shared before, in the aftermath of other tragedies and in the midst of what seems like the worst of times. He says “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” This may offer a bit of comfort during tragic times, because it proves true over and over again. Disaster has a way of bringing out the best of people—people doing everything they can to get complete strangers to the hospital or coming out in droves to donate blood. But this important reminder from Mr. Rogers can apply in to our day to day lives as well.

It hit home for me, because although we face some unique challenges as a family – things others don’t typically have to deal with – we can also lean on an incredible support system. Sometimes our “helpers” are close friends and family, lending a hand or just an ear. Other times, help comes from complete strangers. I rely heavily on close girlfriends to make it through tough times. I got a chance to meet with a few of them over the weekend and we all shared from our hearts and lifted each other up—much needed and so refreshing. During our conversation, we talked about how when you look like you need help, people are more likely to help you. There’s no point in trying to pretend we’ve got it all together.

Twice a week, I’m on a college campus with my two boys for Gage’s feeding therapy. While I’d like to think I’ve got things totally under control, in reality I’m usually struggling to get Gage strapped safely into his chair, Caleb is wiggling out of my arms and I’m sporting sweat pants and a messy bun of unwashed hair. This is the norm for me, and nothing I get worked up about, but let’s face it…I look like a hot mess. Luckily, there are good people in the world and especially at Missouri State University! College students go out of their way to open doors for us and wait patiently for the extra time it takes for me to maneuver my boat of a stroller in and out of the building. Gage and Caleb almost always make new friends in the waiting room or hallways because friendly people are willing to share smiles or play peekaboo, rather than keep their noses stuck in a magazine or cell phone. It’s so heartening to witness compassion from others, even in the smallest ways.big stroller

When things seem bleak, whether in our own little world or on a national scale, let’s take Mr. Rogers advice and remember to look for the helpers. Help might be manifested in kindness from a stranger or support from friends, but I also know where my help ultimately comes from—an almighty God who’s in control and is constant in the midst of every challenge, struggle or tragedy we face. The verse speaking to my heart today comes from 2 Corinthians. It reminds me that God pours grace into our lives, and that we don’t need to pretend we’ve got it all together and everything is perfect. Instead we can boast about our weaknesses. It’s ok to look like we need help, but we also need to remember to look for the helpers.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9