Don’t Take It For Granted

Monday was a day off for us. Both boys were out of school and Evan was home from work. With my job being remote, I didn’t feel any pressure to check in because all my colleagues were out of the office that day as well. We had no appointments to go to and our time was completely ours. It was wonderful. We stayed in our PJs as long as possible and made puppets out of paper bags. I was able to play, really play, with my kids. I mean sitting on the floor, dragging out every toy they requested, play with them, without a time limit. Of course we slipped in a bit of therapy in the form of practicing choices with Gage’s talker. He told me whether to build the race track longer, or make the cars go, or (his favorite selection) crash them together!

The thing was, we could actually do it. It felt natural and easy to incorporate therapy into playtime because we weren’t rushing out the door to get to the next appointment. Without the pressure to be anywhere, we really enjoyed our time at home. While the boys napped (at the same time, mind you) Evan and I relaxed and watched a movie. It was glorious. Perhaps it felt extra-special because it was a Monday, not part of a typical weekend and not just any weekday, but the first and sometimes toughest one. To top it off, that night Evan grilled a delicious steak dinner for us, which I decided was our belated Valentine’s meal. I honestly don’t remember what we ate on the actual holiday, aside from a giant heart shaped cookie.

That evening, I told Evan it was my favorite kind of day. Though I have to question if days like that would mean so much were they not few and far between. It’s easy to say I’d love for every day to be like that, but if it was, would I appreciate it as much? It was a good reminder to me that I shouldn’t take things for granted, even things that may seem small like a weekday with no work, school, doctor’s appointments, therapy or anything else scheduled. Thinking about it now has me reflecting on things I appreciate in my life, and acknowledging that perhaps I value them more because they are somehow rare or special.

One of these things is simply being a parent. I am over the moon that Gage made me a mom. Having him and Caleb is one of the greatest joys of my life. Sure, there are struggles that come with it, but I truly treasure having them in my life to love, cuddle and be silly with, and to learn and grow from and be challenged by.

Their health and happiness is another huge blessing that I really try not to take for granted. Yes, we’ve had some unsure and scary times dealing with seizures, treatment options, etc, but we’ve also avoided long hospital stays, severe illnesses and major surgeries up to this point. Sadly, that’s not something all special needs parents are able to say. I’m reminded of the battles other sweet kiddos are fighting all the time through their mamas’ social media updates. All too often, it’s more than just battling a cold or flu, or nasty case of pneumonia. There are kids who in many ways are so much like Gage, some with the very same diagnosis, who are literally fighting for their lives. Each time one of those battles is lost, it breaks my heart. I may not know these precious kids or their parents personally, but still feel connected. The time I have with Gage and Caleb as happy, healthy boys is something I never, ever want to take for granted. I’m so grateful to be their mom.

Another thing I’m grateful for is the time I spent as a full time working mom. Going back to work after I had Gage was hard. Much harder than I anticipated. By the grace of God, I worked for understanding and flexible people, and for a period of time we made it work. But that didn’t make it easy. Still, I don’t look back on that time and wish that things were different. If I’d been a stay-at-home mom from day one, I’m not sure I would appreciate just how good I have it now. In the same way, being home can be hard too. If there are times I feel discouraged, I try to remind myself how much I wanted this when I didn’t have it.

Would I love being a stay-at-home mom as much if I didn’t know what it was like to be a working mom? If every day were a day off, could I appreciate it? If it hadn’t taken a mountain of paperwork and long, frustrating wait for Gage to get Medicaid, would I value it as much? I’d like to think the answer to those questions is yes, but who knows? What I do know is that it’s so easy and tempting to take what we have for granted. I know that what I have is so, so good, even if it’s hard sometimes. So, I’ll try my best to always appreciate what I’ve got. But I could definitely go for a few more Mondays off!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

James 1:17