In Over My Head

I have a trip coming up very soon that I’m so excited for. Though I must admit, I feel a little ill-equipped. Early Sunday morning, I’ll be headed to Washington DC with both my boys. I’ve never been to our nation’s capital and I jumped at an opportunity to go! In the rush to get an application submitted for a chance to represent Missouri at Zero to Three’s Strolling Thunder event, I didn’t have a chance to let all my doubts creep in and keep me from doing it.

Now that it’s a sure thing and only a few days away, I’m still feeling the same excitement about my first visit to DC. I’m also feeling a little nervous about speaking to my senators and representatives to advocate for better paid leave policies, affordable childcare options and support for early intervention services. And I’m more than a little nervous about flying for the first time with two kids. And their giant stroller. And car seat. And luggage. And medicine. And diapers….so many diapers.  Luckily, my older sister is joining us for the trip! When I called the airline to ask questions about traveling with the boys, she said, “Thank God your sister is coming with you.” My thoughts exactly.

So, I know with help it will be alright, but I still feel a bit in over my head. But that feeling is nothing new. It pretty much sums up my feelings about parenthood. I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. Our days seem to be filled with rushing from one thing to the next, inevitably forgetting something at home, like Gage’s backpack or equipment we borrowed from the speech clinic, or, most importantly, my travel coffee mug!!! (Those are all real life examples from the last week alone, by the way.) But I can think back to several other examples of times in my life when I felt ill-equipped and things ended up working out just fine.

When I was a sophomore in college, I decided I’d spend some of my summer break in London. It was my first time flying solo and quite the experience. I flew out of St. Louis and managed to barely board my plane in time after a nice farewell lunch with my family outside of the security checkpoint. I totally underestimated the time I’d need to get through security and during that process, I kept hearing my name announced over the loud speaker for the final boarding call. I was the very last person to board the completely full flight. I’m sure everyone else onboard hated me. When I arrived at O’Hare in Chicago, was soooo lost and completely confused by the different terminals. I wandered aimlessly for quite some time until finally another traveler with the Missouri London program found me and told me where the group of other college students were gathered and waiting for our connection. I was so thankful that I just happened to run into them, or I may have never made it out of Chicago. Eventually I made it to my destination and had an awesome few weeks of unforgettable experiences, and just a few more instances of getting totally lost.

Another travel adventure when I was in over my head that had nothing to do with flying or navigating airports was when I tagged along with some friends for a ski trip in Colorado. I had absolute zero experience snow skiing, but a friend convinced me if I could water ski I could “totally do it.” Turns out, that was not true at all. On day one, I found myself at the top of a mountain in borrowed ski boots that were two sizes too small with NO IDEA what I had gotten myself into! My group of friends all shared a few tips and then it was time for me to sink or swim. I sank. For four days of skiing, I pretty much tumbled down a mountain repeatedly. But by the grace of God, I had a good friend there with me who was willing to stick by my side. I also rented skis that actually fit after my first trip down the mountain when I could no longer feel my feet. I may have never made it off the blue slopes (I think those are the easiest ones???) but I still look back on that trip fondly and remember having a great time trying something new. God gave me what I needed, even if it was not stellar skiing abilities.

And that’s what God has so faithfully done for me over and over when I don’t have what it takes. He gives me what I need. Not necessarily by making things easier, but by equipping me in other ways. Parenthood is no exception. It’s a learning process every day, and it definitely takes a village, but I’m so glad that I get to do it. Being in over my head just reminds me that I can’t do it alone and I need to rely on God’s help and the help that He provides in the form of travel companions and ski buddies.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord,the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2