Overjoyed, Part 2

These words were written a few weeks ago when my feelings were fresh. I waited to share until the good news I learned then was more of a sure thing.

For over 2 years now, we’ve been taking steps to pursue Medicaid coverage for Gage. At first, I didn’t even want to try for it. I think I was still in denial about how complex Gage’s needs would be for his whole life. I also knew we likely wouldn’t qualify for assistance, which proved to be true. Our next move was to pursue a Sarah Lopez waiver, which is designed for children with a disability whose families do not qualify financially. It’s been a frustrating process, and I truly thought the odds were against us. I’ve stayed hopeful that it would work out eventually, but was planning for a very long wait. The process has taught me a lot about grace, patience and gratitude. Even still, diving back in to all the details lately left me feeling stressed and defeated.

This morning, I got a call from our service coordinator letting me know Gage had been chosen to receive the waiver. There are still some hoops to jump through before anything becomes official, so I’m trying not to get my hopes up. But the feelings of happiness I have because of this can’t be contained. I want to celebrate this victory while it still feels like such amazing news. I saw the call coming in at a moment when I couldn’t talk, so I let it go to voicemail. I thought it was strange to be hearing from our service coordinator since we’d just met recently. But I absolutely refused to let my mind wander and speculate on why she might be calling. She left a message that I listened to before calling her back. She said “give me a call. I have some good news for you.” I still refused to let myself hope for the only news I wanted to hear from her. When I did return the call, she told me exactly that and I burst into laughter and tears simultaneously. I told her she made my whole year. I meant it. She explained there was still a process to go through and she’d be in touch with more details. I thanked her profusely. When I hung up the phone, I dropped my face into my hands and sobbed and sobbed. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot at Sam’s. I realized that other shoppers walking by could see me and might be concerned. I didn’t care. I felt so good to cry that hard over something so good. I couldn’t wait to tell Evan. I wanted to do it in person, so hurried straight home. I bust in the door and told him the news. We hugged and celebrated with the boys.

I realize this is not a magical fix to all of our woes. I know there will likely still be frustrations and road blocks as we navigate Gage’s medical care. And I’ve been debating whether or not to even share this news yet, or at all. It feels so personal and I’ve been very hesitant to speak openly about it. But, like I wrote a few weeks ago, I think the good things are worth celebrating, just like happy memories are worth writing down and sticking in a jar.

Regardless of the frustrations we’ve dealt with thus far, or the tough choices we may face down the road, the thing that remains—that is simply undeniable to me—is God’s faithfulness. I feel completely cared for and loved by the way He’s in the midst of the details of our lives.

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” Psalm 37:23