As a mom, the last thing you want to do is admit there’s something “wrong” with your kid. But part of me wants a quick and easy explanation for why he’s different. Gage has had a diagnosis of congenital CMV since the beginning. But saying CMV to anyone is pretty much like speaking another language. It even sounds weird and foreign – cytomegalovirus. Surprisingly, as common as it is, almost no one has heard of it. It’s a shame there’s not more awareness, and we hope to do our part to advocate for more research and understanding about this disease. The National CMV Foundation has been an awesome resource that I’ve learned a lot from. But when someone wants to know more about Gage, it would still be nice to tell them more in a way they could understand.
Recently, Gage’s neurologist offered another diagnosis that may accomplish that—cerebral palsy. The things I read about this diagnosis before had me thinking to myself, “that describes Gage.” So I anticipated the diagnosis at some point. But I had torn feelings about it. Part of me didn’t want to have another thing to add to his list of challenges. It seems silly, because the way you describe his condition doesn’t change anything about his challenges. Whether or not the doctor officially called it CP has no effect on how Gage struggles to sit, reach, eat, etc. He deals with all of those issues regardless of them having a name.
The other part of me desired a description like CP so I could tell people who are curious about him that’s what he has and it might mean a little more to them than CMV. Again, that seems so silly. What I most want people to know about Gage is what an awesome kid he is. That he has a great personality. He is determined and works so hard to accomplish what he can. He is silly and smiley and has a streak of stubbornness. My hope is that people can learn to see him for who he is instead of what he has. When I get caught up in my desire for a diagnosis, I take comfort in focusing on who rather than what. Who Gage is and ultimately, who is in control. Not me, not Gage’s doctors, but an almighty God. I am also comforted by remembering who he is…a good, good father who loves all his children and has plans that are better than ours.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11