Tag: friends

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Thankful

With the Thanksgiving holiday this past week, the things I’m grateful for have been top of mind. I saw so many posts from friends saying what they’re thankful for, and I drafted my own in my head but never got around to sharing it. Today I want to take the chance to share some of the things that make me feel grateful every single day.

Laughter

I cannot resist the sound of my boys’ laughs. Gage and Caleb both have infectious giggles, and they are usually fairly easy to come by. Even if Caleb is mad and crying about something, a game of peek-a-boo or tickling his thighs caleb in shadescan almost always change his tears to laughter in no time. I am so grateful for the fact that Gage is able to express himself through laughter and smiles. While he may not use spoken words, I’m so glad that he’s able to express his happiness to those around him, and consequently brighten their days, and mine, at the same time.

Joy in the Simple Things

I love seeing the sheer joy that kids get out of the smallest things. Some of Gage’s absolute favorites are watching me fold laundry, putting a Gage yogurtnew trash bag in the trash can and taking a bath. He can’t contain his excitement about these seemingly mundane tasks. It’s a good reminder to me to find joy in all parts of our journey.

Perspective

Although our journey has not always been a walk in the park, I am grateful for the ways my perspective has changed throughout it. Challenges have a way of forcing us to step back and see things differently. I’d like to think that regardless of my circumstances, I would grow to be more understanding, open-minded and empathetic as time went on, but who knows if that would be the case. What I do know is that since becoming a special needs mom, I have a new way of thinking about and seeing things. I’m not sure if I would have found that perspective otherwise.

Friends and Family

This one is obvious. We are all so lucky that we have each other to lean on through this life and don’t have to do it alone. But I can’t help but think we hit the jackpot with our support system. I get to keep in touch with my best friends from childhood, rely on parents and extended family for help when we need it and stay connected with former colleagues and friends from college. All of these people and more help us so much and I’m so grateful for that.

Opportunities to Share

One of the things I’m most thankful for in the past year is the opportunities I’ve had to share more of our story. Opening up about the challenges we face and the accomplishments we celebrate has been so therapeutic for me. state meetingWhether it’s our story shared through 7 Billion Ones, a blog or Facebook post, or speaking at the First Steps State Council meeting, I’m so grateful for these chances to share. Not only because they help me understand myself a little better and work through things, but because it allows me to make connections. So, for anyone who follows our journey, posts a comment, sends an encouraging text or simply clicks a link and reads my random thoughts for the week, THANK YOU!

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.” – 1 Chronicles 16:34

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Overwhelmed

In the last 3 years, I’ve felt overwhelmed more times than I can count. Before that statement causes you concern over my well-being, hear me out. Some of those feelings have of course been negative, when I’m overwhelmed with worry, indecision, or fear. Or when I have too many items on my to-do list and not enough hours in a day. But just as many times, I’ve been overwhelmed with joy by all the good things in my life—kindness and compassion shown by others, encouragement from friends, baby giggles and snuggles that accompany the realization that I’m doing exactly what I want to do.

gage caleb rocking chair

Sometimes just our crazy schedule is enough to make me pause, take a deep breath and remind myself that we can do this. During this and last week alone, we have 10 appointments on our calendar. That’s only counting the things related to Gage’s care—PT, OT, Speech, doctor’s appointments, fittings for new orthotics, meet the teacher and more. I’m not gonna lie…it can feel like a lot. Luckily, some of those appointments take place in our own home. But in these couple weeks, those have been some of the most overwhelming, because they are our final sessions with our First Steps therapists. Goodbyes are never easy, especially when you’re bidding farewell to people who have been such an important part of your kiddo’s life for an extended time and the end of your visits is totally out of your control.

Another overwhelming appointment in this 2 week span was our annual review for The Next Step – a program to help connect families with resources once First Steps ends. I wasn’t expecting the meeting to be a big deal—just sign some papers and follow up on a few questions. And while it wasn’t a big deal, the review of Gage’s plan stirred up some buried emotions. Evaluations like this force us to acknowledge things we might not otherwise think about. We have to spell out all the things Gage can’t do, recount all the new challenges we’ve met in the last year and attach a dollar amount to therapies, equipment, etc. Let’s just say it’s not the most uplifting subject matter. This is all in an effort to justify getting Gage the help he needs now and down the road. So far our efforts have only left us jumping through hoops, filling out paperwork and waiting for answers. I firmly believe God will always take care of us and do my best not to worry, but focusing on all the unknowns the future holds can make that a challenge.

One of the big unknowns in our immediate future is how things will unfold at Gage’s new school. Tonight we had meet the teacher. I’ve been psyching myself up for the new school year and keep telling everyone how excited I am and how much I think Gage will enjoy it. I do think Gage will thrive there and I trust he will be well taken care of and loved by his teachers and therapists. I don’t question the level of competency or care, but I’m left longing for more information and transparency. I walked away from the night feeling sick to my stomach, with more questions than answers, which is not only overwhelming, but frustrating too.

I’m not trying to have a pity party for myself, just sharing the struggles we’ve

Elvis Gage
Hip, young babysitters have fun Snap Chat filters!

dealt with lately. But like I said at the beginning of this post, there have been just as many instances of feeling overwhelmed in a good way! One of the best examples of this is the amazing friends and family we have who are willing to step in and care for our kids. Last night, I got to enjoy a date night with my husband before his summer break ends, thanks to our awesome friends who watched the boys. On several occasions, friends have offered to babysit for us and although they might not even realize it, this is a HUGE act of kindness and means so much.

Seemingly small acts of kindness can also be the good kind of overwhelming. I won’t soon forget the mom that helped me load my groceries onto the conveyor belt at the store while I tried to soothe a crying baby and keep Gage from losing it. Or the stranger at the ball park who offered help after seeing me struggle to spread out a blanket, wearing Caleb in a carrier and pushing Gage in a stroller while Evan grabbed our snacks from the concession stand. Before I had kids, I always declined polite offers of help like these. I’m not sure why, but I didn’t want to burden anyone or maybe didn’t want to admit I needed help. Nowadays, my need for help is undeniable. I’ve embraced my dependence on other people and oddly there’s a certain amount of freedom in that. Saying “yes, that would be so great” instead of “oh it’s ok, I’ve got it” gives me the chance to be overwhelmed by kindness, whether it’s from close friends or complete strangers.

So even though I struggle and won’t just sugar coat things or plaster on a fake smile, when I really stop and think about it, I can’t deny how lucky I am. I have great kids who love me and have made me a better person. My support system is much larger than I deserve and far greater than most people get. I get to share my life with a man I love and respect and I actually like him and enjoy him too. 😉 And I get to be a stay-at-home mom and spend my days with my sweet babies. When I focus and reflect on all these things, I feel overwhelmingly blessed.

 

 

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Enough – Focusing on Joy, Prayer, and Gratitude

Along with having Gage in First Steps, the early intervention program, comes regular evaluations of his progress. We meet with our service coordinator about every 6 months to access Gage’s outcomes and adjust goals as necessary. Our initial meeting to set his goals was exciting. I held my tiny newborn while our OT talked about him rolling over, sitting to hold a toy, and holding his head upright. I was excited to imagine all the things Gage would do. The first eval came and went and left me feeling sad because none of his original goals were things we could check off our list, we only added to them. By that point, I was less starry-eyed and the old and new goals seemed more daunting than exciting.

Working and interacting with Gage on a day-to-day basis wasn’t sad for me, I enjoyed him just as he was and adored exchanging smiles and giggles with him, or snuggling and soothing him if he was upset. But each time we had an evaluation that was focused on his goals, it was hard not to think about all the things he couldn’t do, rather than celebrating accomplishments. As time has passed and I know what to expect, those meetings have gotten easier. But in preparation for our most recent meeting, I was reviewing all our goals and reading all the ways we planned to work with Gage to help him accomplish them. It left me feeling so guilty for not doing enough. Not working with him enough outside of our therapy sessions. I try not to focus on feelings of guilt, because I don’t think it accomplishes anything and tends to be a downward spiral of negativity. But as I read through the list of Gage’s many goals, those feelings surfaced and gave me a sense of inadequacy.

The next day I was walking with a friend (one of my favorite summer rituals) and she was telling me about an “ah-ha” moment she had when coming across a certain bible verse – 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 which says “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” She quoted the verse to me and explained that she was always praying to know God’s will and after reading that verse, realized it is spelled out right there. As long as you remember to do these 3 things – be joyful, pray, and be thankful – you are doing enough. Although our conversation that morning was completely unrelated to my feelings of guilt and inadequacy from the day before, her words, especially “enough,” had tears welling up in my eyes. This is a close friend, so she’s probably used to seeing my spontaneously burst into tears by now, but I think it still caught her off guard since we were discussing something totally different. She wrapped me in a hug and asked, “Why are you crying???”

I explained how I had felt just the day before and how much her words touched my heart and were exactly what I needed to hear. We confided in each other how tough it is as moms to know if you’re doing enough. To be honest, there is always more we could do. Now more than ever we seem to be constantly reminded of that, whether it’s ideas from Pinterest, the trap of comparison or evaluating therapy goals. But what I learned that day and by studying that verse is that if I’m so worried about all the things I’m not doing enough of, I’ll lose sight of the three things I need to do most – be joyful, prayerful and grateful. I take comfort in knowing that’s God’s will for me.

Later that day, my friend and I met up again and she handed me a gift – her 1 Thes. 5:6-18own bracelet with 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 engraved on it. I was reluctant to accept it at first, because I knew she recently got it for herself. Also, since my regular attire is now mostly sweat pants and t-shirts, I don’t wear jewelry much anymore. But she insisted, so I happily wear it any chance I get. It’s not only a reminder for me to stay joyful, pray and be thankful, it has sparked conversations and given me chance to encourage others as well. Next time you start to feel guilty or inadequate, please remember YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.

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Faithful Friends – Our Special Needs Support System

I pulled up in front of my friend’s house just as the rain started to fall. The boys and I had missed out on the Christmas parade we were trying to get to because I was running late as usual.  Evan was busy that evening, so I was flying solo and totally underestimated the amount of time I needed to dress and load 2 boys into the car. I frantically tried to make my way to the parade, but kept running into cop cars blocking the route. My friends at the parade let me know it was short and sweet and said to just meet at their house instead. As I parked the car, I was mentally preparing a strategy to get both boys inside, keeping them somewhat dry, when my back door flew open. A Christmas boysfriend grabbed Caleb’s car seat and asked what else he could take inside. Shortly after, another pal came out and scooped up Gage in her arms. I breathed a sigh of relief and ran inside behind the rest of the crew. This is just one of the many examples of our friends lending a helping hand.

When I first started connecting with other special needs parents, many of them echoed the same sentiment—that you need to gain a new group of friends because your old friends just won’t “get it.” While I appreciate that special needs parenting comes with different challenges than raising other kids, I thank God every day that this has not been our reality. Don’t get me wrong, advice and insight and just relating to other special needs parents has been invaluable on our journey.  But luckily these new connections have only added to, and not replaced any friendships.

I credit this to the amazing group of friends that we have and what kind and caring people they are. I’ve always felt that one way God shows his love for us is by the people he places in our lives. He keeps proving that to me over and over again, whether it’s through my sisters who’ve known and supported me my whole life, an amazing man who turned into more than just a friend at the perfect time, or faithful friends who lovingly accept our entire family just the way we are. I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that Gage also deserves a lot of credit for our friends staying close.  He is such a little charmer and irresistible, not just to me, but to so many people who know him!

Add-on advocates

We are lucky enough to have friends (family members are included in this category) who go out of their way to “get it.” They learn about Gage’s diagnosis and help spread the word to others. Their eyes are opened to new concerns that may never have occurred to them before. They become advocates by association simply because they love and care about our little guy.

Don’t miss it

At times, my friends even help me realize things that I might otherwise miss. I’ll share an experience about Gage with them, and their perspective on it reminds me just what an awesome kid he is! Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in all the dos and don’ts and responsibilities of parenting that we forget to just soak up and enjoy our kids’ unique qualities that make them who they are. I love being reminded of this through a friend’s outside perspective.

Get by with a little help

At other times, friends have helped pull me out of a dark place. Whether it’s through prayer, an encouraging text message or listening to me on a walk and not freaking out when I start to cry, I’ve felt supported and lifted up in so many ways by those around me. As I began to slowly realize Gage’s challenges weren’t something he would outgrow or get over, I slipped into depression. Without the friends sticking by my side I don’t know how I would have made it through. The isolation of Santa Gageraising a special needs child is real, but it doesn’t have to get the final say. We aren’t meant to do this life alone, regardless of our situation. You might be raising kids, caring for an aging parent, or just getting from one day to the next pulled in different directions by the demands of work, school, and the overall busyness of life. Thank God we can connect with each other and ask for help. And if we’re really lucky, we have friends who recognize our need for help before we even ask…and carry our kids inside through the rain.

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12