Tag: God’s will

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God’s Will vs My Will

I’m honored to share this guest post from my dear friend Jessie. She and I have known each other since college and grown closer over the years, especially since becoming moms on the exact same day! She is one of the kindest and most caring people I’ve ever met and the love of Jesus shines through her. With her permission, I wanted to share not only this post, but also a link to her blog about her journey with infertility. I hope you’ll feel as blessed by her words as I do. 

I have recently been thinking about God’s Will for our lives versus the will we have for our own lives.  It’s easy to say the words “Thy Will be done” but do we really mean it?  Do we really want God’s Will to be done in our lives when we think we know best? Life is full of sadness and grief and loneliness and many other negative feelings.  Do we really want our lives to rest in the hands of someone other than ourselves?   Someone who might make us go through that stuff?  I think the answer can be yes.  If we can recognize that this someone isn’t just anyone, but God.  The God who created the universe but also knows the number of hairs on each head.  The God who invented laughter and love.  The God who is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  The God who built us and knows us better than we know ourselves.  The God who can use what Satan intends for our destruction, for His glory and for our blessing.  So do we dare lay our lives in God’s hands for His Will to be done?

Jessie: It was not my will to go through years of infertility and then the struggles of adoption.  I could say it was God’s Will for me to go through those difficult times, but really He allowed me to go through those times so that His Will could be done.  It was God’s Will for me to learn patience, to learn that I am not in control, and to be a parent of a child who needed a safe and loving home.  It was God’s Will to change my heart about the way I see children and to change even my purpose in life.  God chose me to be the mother to this amazing child who I get to call my own.  God’s Will has not only given me a blessing beyond words and smiles and tears, but has also given me an avenue to talk about my faith in a new way with renewed passion.

Hannah: It was not necessarily her will to have a child with special needs and then face each day with new challenges, fears, and even frustrations.  Hannah didn’t just have a child with special needs.  She had Gage.  Gage who is called Beloved by his Heavenly Father.  Gage whose heart has been molded and whose lungs have been breathed into by God Himself.  Gage whom God purposely placed in the arms of two amazing earthly parents.  I cannot speak for Hannah here, but I know she is already learning about what God’s Will is for her life.  I believe God’s Will is for Gage to grow up in a safe and loving home.  I also believe that God’s Will is for Hannah to speak the truth about the challenges she faces with the perspective of the love of Christ.  And to do so to an audience that only she can reach.  

Gage and Owen: While I do not know what God has in store for them yet, I do fully believe that both Gage and Owen are going to make an impact on those around them.  Those two adorable boys who were born on the same day.  One who was known about for 9 months, and one just 10 days.  One who was born and placed in the NICU, and one born and placed into another family’s arms.  Both are unconditionally loved by the One who created them and by their parents.  And both are uniquely different from others in their own way.  I am so thankful they have one another.

Gage and Owen

So even when the hard stuff seems to be thrown at us over and over again, knowing that we are God’s children and in His care, let’s be bold and shout, “Thy Will be done!”

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Enough – Focusing on Joy, Prayer, and Gratitude

Along with having Gage in First Steps, the early intervention program, comes regular evaluations of his progress. We meet with our service coordinator about every 6 months to access Gage’s outcomes and adjust goals as necessary. Our initial meeting to set his goals was exciting. I held my tiny newborn while our OT talked about him rolling over, sitting to hold a toy, and holding his head upright. I was excited to imagine all the things Gage would do. The first eval came and went and left me feeling sad because none of his original goals were things we could check off our list, we only added to them. By that point, I was less starry-eyed and the old and new goals seemed more daunting than exciting.

Working and interacting with Gage on a day-to-day basis wasn’t sad for me, I enjoyed him just as he was and adored exchanging smiles and giggles with him, or snuggling and soothing him if he was upset. But each time we had an evaluation that was focused on his goals, it was hard not to think about all the things he couldn’t do, rather than celebrating accomplishments. As time has passed and I know what to expect, those meetings have gotten easier. But in preparation for our most recent meeting, I was reviewing all our goals and reading all the ways we planned to work with Gage to help him accomplish them. It left me feeling so guilty for not doing enough. Not working with him enough outside of our therapy sessions. I try not to focus on feelings of guilt, because I don’t think it accomplishes anything and tends to be a downward spiral of negativity. But as I read through the list of Gage’s many goals, those feelings surfaced and gave me a sense of inadequacy.

The next day I was walking with a friend (one of my favorite summer rituals) and she was telling me about an “ah-ha” moment she had when coming across a certain bible verse – 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 which says “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” She quoted the verse to me and explained that she was always praying to know God’s will and after reading that verse, realized it is spelled out right there. As long as you remember to do these 3 things – be joyful, pray, and be thankful – you are doing enough. Although our conversation that morning was completely unrelated to my feelings of guilt and inadequacy from the day before, her words, especially “enough,” had tears welling up in my eyes. This is a close friend, so she’s probably used to seeing my spontaneously burst into tears by now, but I think it still caught her off guard since we were discussing something totally different. She wrapped me in a hug and asked, “Why are you crying???”

I explained how I had felt just the day before and how much her words touched my heart and were exactly what I needed to hear. We confided in each other how tough it is as moms to know if you’re doing enough. To be honest, there is always more we could do. Now more than ever we seem to be constantly reminded of that, whether it’s ideas from Pinterest, the trap of comparison or evaluating therapy goals. But what I learned that day and by studying that verse is that if I’m so worried about all the things I’m not doing enough of, I’ll lose sight of the three things I need to do most – be joyful, prayerful and grateful. I take comfort in knowing that’s God’s will for me.

Later that day, my friend and I met up again and she handed me a gift – her 1 Thes. 5:6-18own bracelet with 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 engraved on it. I was reluctant to accept it at first, because I knew she recently got it for herself. Also, since my regular attire is now mostly sweat pants and t-shirts, I don’t wear jewelry much anymore. But she insisted, so I happily wear it any chance I get. It’s not only a reminder for me to stay joyful, pray and be thankful, it has sparked conversations and given me chance to encourage others as well. Next time you start to feel guilty or inadequate, please remember YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.