Tag: joy

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Death… Guest post from Tammy Stearns

I’m struggling to find words to share today, so I’m borrowing someone else’s. Lately it seems like death is all around, and I’m having a hard time articulating my feelings about it. But I keep feeling the nudge to share in some way, and hopefully it will help someone who needs it.

The beautiful truth in the words below was shared by my friend Tammy Stearns. Tammy is a missionary in Nicaragua with Project HOPE and from the first time I met her, I sensed such a peace and gentleness in her spirit. Over the years, I’ve learned so much from her in the wisdom she shares through her experiences. She serves the Lord and his children with every fiber of her being. She’s an amazing example of obedience. A few years ago, she unexpectedly lost her teenage daughter, Taellor. The ways she has poured her heart out in writing since then have been such a huge help to me and to so many. The words below were originally shared by Tammy over a year ago, but are as relevant as ever today. If you’re dealing with a loss, I pray you can find some peace. 

Death…..

We can either let it draw us closer to God as we celebrate the reality of eternity or we can allow satan to use it to draw a wedge between us and God. It’s our choice.

Perhaps we just have to sing praises for awhile with tears in our eyes, read Scripture with our heart seemingly broken and in obedience follow through with being obedient as our flesh seems to be torn into and, yet, our soul is at rest.

At rest.

Our eyes may seep tears and our bodies feel faintly weakened but our very souls almost quieten as if hearing the words “Holy, Holy, Holy,”. The tethers of this world become lesser than the pull towards the throne. The veil becomes thinner. The Angels beckoning becomes stronger as we once again are reminded that this world is not our home.

There are those who have a picture in their minds of what grief looks like. A schematic, a drawing or an image with a descriptor that lays out what should be observed and what shouldn’t. Yet, too often, this is the worldly view of the grief-stricken. There is no picture that encompasses what grief looks like for everyone. There isn’t.

For some, it may ebb and flow. For others, it is a constant ache while for someone else it may be unrelenting. And yet for some, there is an inner peace that takes over and with a calmness that is indescribable. A joy that comes from foundational Truth. An assurance of not finality but rather eternity. The promise of tomorrow instead of the forgotten of yesteryears.

Satan tries to exploit death. He tries to make it fearful and mysterious. But the sting of death was overcome at the cross leaving no longer fear to create terror but rather pure joy to be had. And while there will be empty spaces in this world, there is rejoicing at the throne of one more coming home.

I choose to see joy. I choose to obediently look towards the cross. I choose to seek His face through tear stained eyes. For there is where peace will be found. For there is where the cross beckons. There are those who will forever call me crazy, delusional and misled but the only voice to which my ear turns is the One who took it all to the cross.

Tammy recently published a book, Know Hope, which includes a collection of her writings and reflections on scripture in the wake of tragedy. If you find yourself craving more of Tammy’s writing, like me, you can get your copy here. 

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Thankful

With the Thanksgiving holiday this past week, the things I’m grateful for have been top of mind. I saw so many posts from friends saying what they’re thankful for, and I drafted my own in my head but never got around to sharing it. Today I want to take the chance to share some of the things that make me feel grateful every single day.

Laughter

I cannot resist the sound of my boys’ laughs. Gage and Caleb both have infectious giggles, and they are usually fairly easy to come by. Even if Caleb is mad and crying about something, a game of peek-a-boo or tickling his thighs caleb in shadescan almost always change his tears to laughter in no time. I am so grateful for the fact that Gage is able to express himself through laughter and smiles. While he may not use spoken words, I’m so glad that he’s able to express his happiness to those around him, and consequently brighten their days, and mine, at the same time.

Joy in the Simple Things

I love seeing the sheer joy that kids get out of the smallest things. Some of Gage’s absolute favorites are watching me fold laundry, putting a Gage yogurtnew trash bag in the trash can and taking a bath. He can’t contain his excitement about these seemingly mundane tasks. It’s a good reminder to me to find joy in all parts of our journey.

Perspective

Although our journey has not always been a walk in the park, I am grateful for the ways my perspective has changed throughout it. Challenges have a way of forcing us to step back and see things differently. I’d like to think that regardless of my circumstances, I would grow to be more understanding, open-minded and empathetic as time went on, but who knows if that would be the case. What I do know is that since becoming a special needs mom, I have a new way of thinking about and seeing things. I’m not sure if I would have found that perspective otherwise.

Friends and Family

This one is obvious. We are all so lucky that we have each other to lean on through this life and don’t have to do it alone. But I can’t help but think we hit the jackpot with our support system. I get to keep in touch with my best friends from childhood, rely on parents and extended family for help when we need it and stay connected with former colleagues and friends from college. All of these people and more help us so much and I’m so grateful for that.

Opportunities to Share

One of the things I’m most thankful for in the past year is the opportunities I’ve had to share more of our story. Opening up about the challenges we face and the accomplishments we celebrate has been so therapeutic for me. state meetingWhether it’s our story shared through 7 Billion Ones, a blog or Facebook post, or speaking at the First Steps State Council meeting, I’m so grateful for these chances to share. Not only because they help me understand myself a little better and work through things, but because it allows me to make connections. So, for anyone who follows our journey, posts a comment, sends an encouraging text or simply clicks a link and reads my random thoughts for the week, THANK YOU!

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.” – 1 Chronicles 16:34

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Enough – Focusing on Joy, Prayer, and Gratitude

Along with having Gage in First Steps, the early intervention program, comes regular evaluations of his progress. We meet with our service coordinator about every 6 months to access Gage’s outcomes and adjust goals as necessary. Our initial meeting to set his goals was exciting. I held my tiny newborn while our OT talked about him rolling over, sitting to hold a toy, and holding his head upright. I was excited to imagine all the things Gage would do. The first eval came and went and left me feeling sad because none of his original goals were things we could check off our list, we only added to them. By that point, I was less starry-eyed and the old and new goals seemed more daunting than exciting.

Working and interacting with Gage on a day-to-day basis wasn’t sad for me, I enjoyed him just as he was and adored exchanging smiles and giggles with him, or snuggling and soothing him if he was upset. But each time we had an evaluation that was focused on his goals, it was hard not to think about all the things he couldn’t do, rather than celebrating accomplishments. As time has passed and I know what to expect, those meetings have gotten easier. But in preparation for our most recent meeting, I was reviewing all our goals and reading all the ways we planned to work with Gage to help him accomplish them. It left me feeling so guilty for not doing enough. Not working with him enough outside of our therapy sessions. I try not to focus on feelings of guilt, because I don’t think it accomplishes anything and tends to be a downward spiral of negativity. But as I read through the list of Gage’s many goals, those feelings surfaced and gave me a sense of inadequacy.

The next day I was walking with a friend (one of my favorite summer rituals) and she was telling me about an “ah-ha” moment she had when coming across a certain bible verse – 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 which says “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” She quoted the verse to me and explained that she was always praying to know God’s will and after reading that verse, realized it is spelled out right there. As long as you remember to do these 3 things – be joyful, pray, and be thankful – you are doing enough. Although our conversation that morning was completely unrelated to my feelings of guilt and inadequacy from the day before, her words, especially “enough,” had tears welling up in my eyes. This is a close friend, so she’s probably used to seeing my spontaneously burst into tears by now, but I think it still caught her off guard since we were discussing something totally different. She wrapped me in a hug and asked, “Why are you crying???”

I explained how I had felt just the day before and how much her words touched my heart and were exactly what I needed to hear. We confided in each other how tough it is as moms to know if you’re doing enough. To be honest, there is always more we could do. Now more than ever we seem to be constantly reminded of that, whether it’s ideas from Pinterest, the trap of comparison or evaluating therapy goals. But what I learned that day and by studying that verse is that if I’m so worried about all the things I’m not doing enough of, I’ll lose sight of the three things I need to do most – be joyful, prayerful and grateful. I take comfort in knowing that’s God’s will for me.

Later that day, my friend and I met up again and she handed me a gift – her 1 Thes. 5:6-18own bracelet with 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 engraved on it. I was reluctant to accept it at first, because I knew she recently got it for herself. Also, since my regular attire is now mostly sweat pants and t-shirts, I don’t wear jewelry much anymore. But she insisted, so I happily wear it any chance I get. It’s not only a reminder for me to stay joyful, pray and be thankful, it has sparked conversations and given me chance to encourage others as well. Next time you start to feel guilty or inadequate, please remember YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.