Tag: peace

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Death… Guest post from Tammy Stearns

I’m struggling to find words to share today, so I’m borrowing someone else’s. Lately it seems like death is all around, and I’m having a hard time articulating my feelings about it. But I keep feeling the nudge to share in some way, and hopefully it will help someone who needs it.

The beautiful truth in the words below was shared by my friend Tammy Stearns. Tammy is a missionary in Nicaragua with Project HOPE and from the first time I met her, I sensed such a peace and gentleness in her spirit. Over the years, I’ve learned so much from her in the wisdom she shares through her experiences. She serves the Lord and his children with every fiber of her being. She’s an amazing example of obedience. A few years ago, she unexpectedly lost her teenage daughter, Taellor. The ways she has poured her heart out in writing since then have been such a huge help to me and to so many. The words below were originally shared by Tammy over a year ago, but are as relevant as ever today. If you’re dealing with a loss, I pray you can find some peace. 

Death…..

We can either let it draw us closer to God as we celebrate the reality of eternity or we can allow satan to use it to draw a wedge between us and God. It’s our choice.

Perhaps we just have to sing praises for awhile with tears in our eyes, read Scripture with our heart seemingly broken and in obedience follow through with being obedient as our flesh seems to be torn into and, yet, our soul is at rest.

At rest.

Our eyes may seep tears and our bodies feel faintly weakened but our very souls almost quieten as if hearing the words “Holy, Holy, Holy,”. The tethers of this world become lesser than the pull towards the throne. The veil becomes thinner. The Angels beckoning becomes stronger as we once again are reminded that this world is not our home.

There are those who have a picture in their minds of what grief looks like. A schematic, a drawing or an image with a descriptor that lays out what should be observed and what shouldn’t. Yet, too often, this is the worldly view of the grief-stricken. There is no picture that encompasses what grief looks like for everyone. There isn’t.

For some, it may ebb and flow. For others, it is a constant ache while for someone else it may be unrelenting. And yet for some, there is an inner peace that takes over and with a calmness that is indescribable. A joy that comes from foundational Truth. An assurance of not finality but rather eternity. The promise of tomorrow instead of the forgotten of yesteryears.

Satan tries to exploit death. He tries to make it fearful and mysterious. But the sting of death was overcome at the cross leaving no longer fear to create terror but rather pure joy to be had. And while there will be empty spaces in this world, there is rejoicing at the throne of one more coming home.

I choose to see joy. I choose to obediently look towards the cross. I choose to seek His face through tear stained eyes. For there is where peace will be found. For there is where the cross beckons. There are those who will forever call me crazy, delusional and misled but the only voice to which my ear turns is the One who took it all to the cross.

Tammy recently published a book, Know Hope, which includes a collection of her writings and reflections on scripture in the wake of tragedy. If you find yourself craving more of Tammy’s writing, like me, you can get your copy here. 

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Guilt – The Wasted Emotion

I keep an ongoing list of writing prompts when random things pop into my head. It’s saved as a memo on my phone so it’s easy to add to when I get ideas. Sometimes it’s just a word or two and more often than not, just a fleeting thought that’s underdeveloped until I get a chance to sit down at a keyboard and think more about it. Recently I started to notice a theme in my writing prompts…over and over again I came across the word guilt. Guilt over past insensitivity, guilt over yelling at my kids, guilt over the feelings of failure I have for not doing enough.

I’ve struggled with guilt over the way I was before having Gage– insensitive and not very empathetic to other’s needs. I was fairly ignorant about the special needs community before having a child with a disability. I felt so bad when I began realizing the challenges we would face for not having paid more attention to things like that in the past, and especially for not doing more for individuals I’d previously encountered in my life.

Another area that leaves me feeling bad is one that’s all too common—mom guilt. I bet every mom has been there at some point, and we probably all have a slightly different definition for it. What it means to me is the guilt I feel for losing my patience or being short-tempered with my kids. I feel like a crazy person when I’m exchanging screams with a 3 or 1 year old, but it happens. I blame sleep deprivation and definitely hit my lowest points in the middle of the night when one or both kids are up and unhappy.

The other part of mom guilt for me has to do with feeling like I can’t or don’t give enough. Again, I’m sure that’s a common theme among moms and know that my situation isn’t unique and I’m not alone in my feelings. But I do feel that raising a special needs child might intensify the mom guilt at times. It hits me the hardest when I realize the whole day has passed by and I didn’t get Gage in his standing frame at all, or he hasn’t even put on his AFOs, or I haven’t stretched him enough, etc., etc., etc.

Another type of guilt related specifically to special needs parenting is one that I haven’t experienced personally. But I’ve read repeatedly about moms who feel guilty for their child’s diagnosis. They feel somehow responsible—that their actions caused harm to their child. I personally don’t blame myself for getting a CMV infection while I was pregnant. No one intentionally gets sick, so even though I may have been able to take some steps to prevent it (had I known more about it) I don’t struggle with the guilt of causing Gage’s problems. My hope is that other special needs parents would be able to work through and get past any guilt that they feel as well.

After reading the word guilt over and over again in my prompts, I decided enough is enough and it was time to get my thoughts down in writing. Perhaps these first several paragraphs give you a little context to where my feelings come from, but that’s not really what I want to share the most. What I’d like to tell anyone struggling with feelings of guilt is STOP! I truly think that, for the most part, guilt accomplishes nothing, other than to make us feel bad and keep us from doing the good work God has for us. Maybe there are times when a person feels guilty for a wrongdoing and it leads to repentance that’s needed, but I think all too often guilt is a tool used by the enemy. The guilt I feel over my past insensitivity is wasted because I can’t go back and change the way I did things before. The mom guilt we all struggle with prevents us from enjoying the moments we do have with our kids, or the moments we have to ourselves when what we need most is a little break.

My point is that by letting guilt overtake us, nobody wins. We’re left feeling sad or believing the lie that we aren’t good enough or we’ve messed up so badly we can’t grow or change. I’m a firm believer that all feelings are valid and need to be processed. But I think guilt is a wasted emotion, all too often accompanied by shame, keeping us isolated and stagnant. I frequently have to remind myself to let go of guilt and instead live in the grace that God offers. As I wrap up this post, I wanted to leave you with a reminder to do the same, and searched for scripture about grace. That search yielded the same words over and over and over again. It was like God was literally reminding me, forcing me to read it repeatedly so the words would sink in. Just look at all the instances of the same message!

bible verses about grace

“May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.”

Harboring feelings of guilt leaves me feeling anything but peaceful. That’s not what God wants for us. Let’s rely on him to give us grace and peace and let the guilt go.